Title: Which Responses Will You Choose?
Every parent or grandparent knows what can happen after a simple command to a childlike,
“Pick up your toys.”
And suddenly the room goes quiet…
The child stares at the toys… then stare at you… then stares at the toys again…
You can almost hear the gears grinding in their head: “Maybe if I stand perfectly still… he’ll forget I exist.”
Or sometimes they try negotiating. “I will, but I just need to do this first.”
We all know what that means.
“First, I just need to” means “First, I just need to reconstruct the Eifel Tower with Tinker Toys first.”
When my kids were young, I often did something in this moment.
I wanted them to take a second to think about their response and to own their choices.
It might be that I saw they were delaying their obedience on an issue like picking up their toys.
I would have them look me in the eyes as I held out my two hands, motion and say,
Left hand: “Are you going to obey and pick up your toys.
Right Hand: Are you going to disobey and keep playing?”
Then I would wait until their little finger pointed to one or the other of the options.
God places commands before us,
His Spirit convicts us, and in that moment we are faced with the same question:
Which response will you choose?
And that is the point we’re taken to in Ephesians 4.
We’re going to start reading at the beginning of this section in which God started His meddling.
* 17 Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of
their minds. 18 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the
ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19 They have become callous and have given
themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity.
* 20 But that is not the way you learned Christ!— 21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught
in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and
is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the
new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
* 25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we
are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27
and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing
honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no
corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion,
that it may give grace to those who hear.
These verses list sins that we are to put-off and actions that we should put on or replace them with
These four groups include sins that we should not commit and actions that are sin to omit from our lives.
We also saw the results of these sins in our lives.
Lies undermine our dependency on one another
Anger allows the devil to take and expand his place and involvement in our lives.
Theft would certainly harm our ability to care for one another,
Foul language corrupts those you’ve been given in your life to build up not to tear down.
Verse 30 expands the impact of our disobedience to what it does in our relationship with God.
* 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all
bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. 1 Therefore
be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for
us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
These are the verses that we’re focusing in on this morning.
And they have an important connection with the previous verses.
They follow up by basically saying, “Don’t ignore the conviction of the Holy Spirit.”
I wonder if many of you have been feeling it this past week.
I received a lot of feedback that last week’s message was especially convicting.
The question is whether you’ve been acting to the conviction or if you’ve been grieving the Holy Spirit.
This morning, the points I hope to get across could be combined into this paragraph.
Don’t harm your relationship with God with unrepentant sin. Instead, replace angry responses with godly
responses. And by this grow in Christ by loving those you’re tempted to loathe.
So, first off, from v. 30, I’m challenging you -
1. DON’T HARM YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD WITH UNREPENTANT SIN. (30)
* 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
We’re told that we’re in danger of grieving the Holy Spirit who indwells the believer.
* 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,
The term “grieve” means to cause severe mental or emotional distress.
Now, God doesn’t sit in heaven fretting and asking, “Why does she keep treating me this way?”
This is certainly what’s known as an anthropomorphism -applying a human quality to something or
someone who isn't human.
It should be said that the Holy Spirit is a person with whom believers should seek to improve their
relationship.
And this warning reflects our relational fellowship with God that’s affected by our sin or obedience.
Paul underlines the gravity of the command by referring to the 3 rd member of the Trinity as the Holy Spirit of
God.
It’s like when you’d hear your mom call you by your full name, you knew the situation was next level.
=> This warning is quoted from Isaiah 63:10, in which God says,
* Isaiah 63:10 they rebelled and grieved his Holy Spirit; therefore he turned to be their enemy, and
himself fought against them.
The further description of the ministry of the Holy Spirit is a reminder of how good we have it as a believers.
* by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
He is the one who ensured our being sealed for the day of Christ’s return.
That day is when our full redemption will take place.
We will be resurrected to a new body, and the final state of God’s full personal reign will begin.
=> We learned about the sealing ministry of the Holy Spirit as taking place at our salvation in 1:13-14 .
* Ephesians 1:13–14 13 In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your
salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is the guarantee of
our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.
It should be a great comfort to us that, with our warning of grieving the Holy Spirit, we’re also reminded of
His ministry to secure our place in God’s kingdom.
Sometimes a husband can walk into the house, say “Hi Honey” to his wife, and know immediately
something is wrong.
He might start thinking, “Uh oh, what’s the date? Did I forget an important day?”
Eventually, It’s probably wise to ask, “Have I done something to upset you?”
It can be similar in our relationship with God.
We’re told in our verses that our disobedience grieves the Holy Spirit.
Our walk with God should be such that we want to preserve our fellowship with Him through obedience.
He should be able to get our attention to convict us of sin when that fellowship has been broken.
?- If you don’t feel close to God, guess who moved?
?- Romans 8:16 states, “The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.” What
do you sense from the Holy Spirit when you grieve Him?
Rather than Harming Your Relationship with God with Unrepentant Sin. Instead, you should -
2. REPLACE ANGRY RESPONSES WITH GODLY RESPONSES. (31-32)
* 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all
malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
We’ve come to another example of how we are to grow in Christ by putting away what is sinful and taking
on what is right.
* 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all
malice.
We’re to “put away” which means to “Get rid of”/ “have no more to do with it” actions of anger.
And it’s “ALL” expressions and “ALL” degrees of these that are to be removed.
These dangerous emotions and outbursts they cause are to be eradicated from our hearts and lives.
Bitterness or animosity keeps track of wrongs done to us or others.
Wrath could be translated as rage and describes outbursts of uncontrolled anger.
Clamor embodies the verbal shouting that goes along with it all when one airs their grievances loudly.
Interestingly, the Greek word for slander used here is blasphemia, which is usually used in relation to God.
But it generally means “speech that denigrates or defames” someone.
Barth states, “The arrangement of these terms is climactic. The catalogue moves from a hidden state of the
heart to public disgrace caused by words”
Paul wraps up his list of what the believer should evict from their lives with all malice
Malice is an inclusive word for whatever might remain and might be justified by the angry individual.
Instead, were called to replace these destructive traits with godly ones.
* 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Kindness is love in action, practical action.
Barclay describes it as “the disposition of mind which thinks as much of its neighbor’s affairs as it does of
its own.”
It’s important to understand this as what is to be put on in place of bitterness, rage, and slander.
Also, we’re told that kind action is to come from a heart that has been changed by the work of the Spirit.
He makes us tenderhearted, or compassionate.
We’re not to be satisfied with kindness that comes from our flesh, from a gut-it-out effort.
Again, keep in mind that this is an inclination of heart toward those we could be bitter toward.
This is why what we’re to put on is tied to forgiving or pardoning one another.
The model of our forgiveness is what God has provided for us in Jesus Christ.
We’re told to do so as God in Christ forgave you.
The term as would mean “in close conformity to,” meaning that our forgiveness should be modeled after the
total release from guilt that God shows to us.
Personally, I think we should forgive for the same reason that God forgives us.
It’s because we know that the penalty of person’s sin was laid on Christ, just as the penalty for our sin.
?- How has God forgiven us?
The tense of the verb points to the fact that in Christ, we’ve been forgiven once for all and completely.
Of course, we can’t make ourselves forget what’s been forgiving.
But we can remind ourselves that the penalty for the person’s sins were still paid by Christ.
After the Civil War, many in the Union wanted a very harsh approach toward the South.
They believed President Lincoln should:
punish Confederate leaders severely
confiscate more Southern property
and impose strict postwar conditions
These wanted the total destruction of those who might not agree with the principles of a United States.
Lincoln instead repeatedly emphasized restoration of the Union and reconciliation.
He wanted this while others wanted their former enemies completely destroyed.
Lincoln famously said, “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”
He understood that the most complete victory over an enemy is not when he is destroyed, but when he
becomes a friend.
When we’re wronged, it’s easy to desire to do or say whatever might keep the wrong from happening again.
As Christians, our responsibility isn’t to teach a lesson that won’t be forgotten to those who wrong us.
Our job is to remember to be kind, to remain tenderhearted, and to forgive as we’ve been forgiven.
?- What do you think when you feel justified to stay angry with someone rather than to forgive them?
a. They should’ve known I’d be upset.
b. If I forgive them, they’ll just keep doing the same thing.
c. If I forgive them, it feels like there’s no consequence for them.
d. What’s the point of forgiving if I can’t forget what they did?
All of these are real fears and questions.
But their also justifications for hearing what your heavenly Father is telling you and responding with,
“I will when I’m good and ready.”
As we move one, we’ll see that the statement of fact that we have been forgiven in Christ
is the basis for our being conformed to the image of God by walking in the same love that He has shown us.
So, Don’t harm your relationship with God with unrepentant sin. Instead, replace angry responses with
godly responses. And by this -
3. GROW IN CHRIST BY LOVING THOSE YOU’RE TEMPTED TO LOATHE. (1-2)
* 1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave
himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Discipleship involves following examples of devotion to Christ.
* 1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.
=> For instance, Paul tells the Corinthians
* 1 Corinthians 11:1 Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.
Here in Ephesians 5 is the only example of our being told to be imitators of God.
It’s the epitome of what it means to be GODLY -to grow in godliness.
All these commands fall into the safe context of our being God’s beloved children -forgiven and adopted.
I still recall when I taught this passage as a youth pastor almost 25 years ago.
I titled the message “Chip Off the Old Block” because, as we resemble our earthly parents, we’re to
resemble our heavenly Father.
In the security of a grace-based adoption into God’s family, we’re shown God’s unconditional love.
=> And the perfect example of God’s love was shown to us by Christ as we read in -
* 1 John 4:10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be
the propitiation for our sins.
=> Later in the same chapter, John tells us that God’s love teaches us and frees us to love, as he writes -
* 1 John 4:19 We love because he first loved us.
With God as our heavenly Father, our grace-based adoption should empower us to show grace-based love.
Our lives are to be marked by love because we have been loved beyond imagination.
* 2 And walk in love,
Once again, our lives are described as our walk and our walk is to be immersed in love.
Understand that the command to love as God loves isn’t just another command that were to live by.
Love is the summary of the whole of God’s moral law as we’re told to love God and to love others.
This is what Ignatius meant when he wrote, “The beginning [of life] is faith, its end is love”
Loving as God loves is the motivation to avoid all the sin that we’re warned about in this letter.
Love is also to be what motivates us to speak the truth and to show generosity, kindness, compassion, and
mercy
Just as we’re called to forgive as God in Christ has forgiven us,
we’re also called to love just as Christ loved us sacrificially, bearing our sins on the cross.
* as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us,
=> This fits with what Jesus teaches us as His disciples in -
* John 13:34 34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved
you, you also are to love one another.
=> And John points to the example that Christ is to us in learning how to love.
* 1 John 3:16 16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our
lives for the brothers.
Our love should cost us.
At times, it will hurt to keep loving when someone is undeserving of it.
Isn’t that what it means to love like Christ -to lavishly spend out effort and energy for the good of those
who we don’t think are worthy of it?
We also have the opportunity to learn from what motivated Christ -and it wasn’t our worthiness.
* a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Jesus’ attention was NOT on us when He was pouring Himself out for our salvation.
His attention was on pleasing God the Father.
He offered His efforts, energy, and His very self as an offering of worship to God.
We certainly can look to Jesus’ love as our standard to shoot for while improving our weak love.
But we can also look to the motivation for His sacrifice and learn what should be our motivation for the
loving actions we take.
=> This past week, we read in Philippians as a part of our Bible Reading Plan, and there Paul describes the
gift he received from the Philippian church as -
* Philippians 4:18 a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God.
=> Hebrews speaks of our generosity to one another as being sacrificial offerings to God as well.
* Hebrews 13:16 Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are
pleasing to God.
Everybody loves a kids Christmas program or pageant of some kind.
There’s something about the kids dressed as shepherds, angels, wisemen, Mary, and Joseph that warms
our hearts.
It reminds us of the monumental moment when God became flesh in a tender memorial of children.
Of course, Jesus is represented by a baby doll or else it could too easily become a bad memory.
One fumble by Mary or bodily noise from the baby, and it’d all be ruined.
There’s also good reason why we don’t have our kids act out the moments of Jesus’ death.
What makes good core-memories at Christmas could cause emotionally-scaring on Good Friday
But that’s ALL of our jobs everyday as Christians.
As those that God loves with an unconditional love, we’re to love in a self-sacrificing way.
We’re to pour out our lives in love for others -even those we’ve had to forgive and are tempted to loathe.
And while pouring ourselves out, we’re not to have our eyes on that other person, seeing if they’ll change.
Our attention is to be on our relationship with God, loving as we do as an offering of worship to Him.
In closing, let me say it again.
Don’t harm your relationship with God with unrepentant sin. Instead, replace angry responses with godly
responses. And by this grow in Christ by loving those you’re tempted to loathe.
When bitterness rises…
when anger takes hold…
when harsh words are ready to come out of our mouths…
the question isn’t merely, “Is this justified?”
The question is:
“Will this grieve the Spirit who saved me?”
Instead of bitterness, God calls us to kindness.
Instead of rage, to tenderheartedness.
Instead of holding onto offenses, to forgiveness.
And the reason is simple but profound: God in Christ forgave you.
That forgiveness becomes the model for how we should treat others.
And when we live this way—
when we forgive, show kindness, and love sacrificially—
we are doing exactly what we’re told to do - We are imitating our Father as His beloved children.
Think of God holding out His hands and telling us to make the choice.
“Which response will you choose?”
That moment comes to us again and again in life.
Bitterness or kindness.
Anger or forgiveness.
Self-centered reaction or Christlike love.
And each time we choose kindness…
each time we forgive…
each time we walk in love like Christ—
our lives become a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
So this week, when that moment comes—and it will—
remember the question: Which response will you choose?
